Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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