He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
