he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just pee around me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
