Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
