I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
