She is in my trunk
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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