halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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