I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
