Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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