u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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