You work out of a Hotel?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
