ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize