I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
