i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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