Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
