do herpes really smell.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
