sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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