you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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