I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
