So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
