youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
