we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize