If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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