for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
