When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
