I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She said her name was "party"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
