He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
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