I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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