you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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