I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
