oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
