Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
