I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
