please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
