omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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