apparently the secret to your success is patron
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
