Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's how pantless uber rides happen
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
