i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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