Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
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WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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