tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
