Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
