my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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