Dude my mom stole all your condoms
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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