i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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