Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
