do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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