i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
