Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
