I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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