I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
