Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
