hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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