If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
