what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
