If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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