I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
