the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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