R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
did you just send me my own nude
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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