i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
