Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
