I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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