need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
