You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
