Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
