It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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