I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
