Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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