I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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