I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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