It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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