I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
