How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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