This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
