Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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