Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
