Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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