im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize